39 Reasons to Sing in a Choir (in which I host my first guest post)

31 Days of Lists 400px graphic no subtitle

 

 

This month, I’m participating in The Nester’s “31 Days of Change” project. The challenge: to write every day for 31 days! Click here to read more and to see what other listy-things I’ve been up to.

 

 

 

One of my coworkers, Ed, is a MASTER at making top 10 lists. When a coworker has a birthday, celebrates an anniversary, or gets a promotion, Ed usually is there with a list of (VERY HUMOROUS) reasons why or how something came to be. Ed supplied this list of reasons to sing in a choir for the blog… get ready to laugh, cry, and groaaaaan. Here’s what he has to say:

“These are dangerous once you get started.  Here are four sometimes conflicting lists gleaned from a church music mailing list.”

Top Reasons for Being a Soprano:

  • The rest of the choir exists just to make you look good.
  • Can you name an opera where an alto got the man?
  • When sopranos sing in the shower, they know the tune.
  • You are never going to sing the alto part by accident.
  • How many world famous altos can you name?
  • When the fat lady sings, she’s usually singing soprano.
  • When you get tired of the tune, you can sing the descant. 

Top Reasons for Being an Alto:

  • You get really good at singing E flat.
  • You get to sing the same note for 12 consecutive measures.
  • No warm up needed to sing 12 consecutive bars of E flat.
  • If the choir really stinks, it’s unlikely the altos will be blamed.
  • You have lots of time to chat during soprano solos.
  • You get to pretend that you are better than the sopranos, because everybody knows that women only sing soprano so they don’t have to learn to read music.
  • You can sometimes find part-time work singing tenor.
  • Altos get all the great intervals.
  • When the sopranos are holding some outrageously high note at the end of an anthem, the altos always get the last words.
  • When the altos miss a note, nobody gets hurt.

Top Reasons for Being a Tenor:

  • Did you ever hear of anyone paying $1000 for a ticket to see The Three Basses?
  • Tenors get high without drugs.
  • Name a musical where the bass got the girl.
  • You can show the sopranos how it SHOULD be sung.
  • Who needs brains when you’ve got resonance?
  • Tenors never have to waste time looking through the self-improvement section of the bookstore.
  • When you get really good at falsetto, you can make tons of money doing voice-overs for cartoon characters.
  • Gregorian chant was practically invented for tenors. Nobody invented a genre for basses.

Top Reasons for Being a Bass:

  • You don’t have to tighten your belt to reach your note.
  • You don’t have to worry about a woman stealing your job.
  • Or a pre-adolescent boy.
  • Action heroes are always basses. That is, if they ever sang, they would sing bass.
  • You get great memorable lyrics like bop, bop, bop, bop (boong ching… boong chi-ching).
  • If the singing job doesn’t work out, there’s always broadcasting.
  • You never need to learn to read the treble clef.
  • It doesn’t matter much if you get a cold.
  • For fun, you can sing at the bottom of your range and fool people into thinking there’s an earthquake.
  • If you burp while you’re singing, the audience just thinks it’s part of the score.

My church has a choir that sings regularly throughout the year, and every fall they print this in our bulletin to round up a few new unsuspecting members. I had to add these reasons to Ed’s list:

Top Reasons to Join the Church Choir:

  • You never have to worry about what to wear.
  • You have excellent seats and a reserved seat on all major holidays–including Christmas Eve and Easter!
  • From your advantageous seat, you can gawk, smile, ignore, guess who’s sleeping, and otherwise enjoy the rest of the congregation.
  • And finally, the minister is nearly always looking the other way.

Annnnnnndddd–there you have it! Be nice in the comment section (and in the choir loft)! ;)

1 Comment

  • With the BASS list, they do have to worry about a female stealing their jobs because there are some altos that can hit bass notes

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