I’ve been collecting quite a motley crew of plants around these parts, and its time I introduced everyone. Note: my mother will be ashamed (she really did raise me better than this), but I am forging ahead despite her certain cringing.
1. Fake orchid from Kohls.
I can barely keep a real plant alive; let’s be honest. And a real orchid? NOPE NOT HAPPENING.
2. Fake orchid #2 from Kohl’s. Yes, they’re a pair!
Funny story about orchids: I was once tasked with taking care of my roommate’s (completely healthy) orchid for a few days. Around day two, the flowers began INEXPLICABLY falling off, and by the time she got back, it was just the stem. I HAVE NO WORDS. Oh, it was a gift from her boyfriend, to make matters worse.
I KILLED THE SYMBOL OF THEIR LOVE.
3. and 4. Then there’s this pair. In the back we have a fake stem, and in the front there are some dried billy buttons. THEY WERE ONCE ALIVE, for the record.
5. Ah, here’s something from the land of the living! I have managed to keep this bamboo plant alive for almost a year. Pretty proud of myself.
6. and 7. I actually have two (living!) bamboo plants. There are also some sticks there on the right that are from IKEA. They were purchased dead, so I was not asked to keep them alive, which is for the best.
8. Oh, and there’s this gorgeous brooch bouquet with fake flowers lying around that I really have no idea what to do with (other than exploit pictures of it on my blog).
9. And then there’s the terrarium. This thing has died numerous times on me and, well, I didn’t have the heart to resurrect it after its most recent death. That’s why we have a glass jar filled with dirt on the top of our dresser.
The only green left is from a plastic dinosaur I placed under the leaves of some succulents.
I am ashamed.
10. And that’s not even all, I’m afraid.
I have also not thrown out the bridesmaid bouquet from my friend Lorie’s wedding. Which was almost a month ago. It’s looking decidedly droopy and is not helping with the fruit fly war we are currently waging.
And there you have the State of the Plants, October 2013 edition.
I am hanging my head in shame.
If you see me in person, we must never speak of this, okay?
That is all.